This week, I went to the movies… Well, I’ve been to the movies before, but I didn’t think it was worth bragging about.
“Blink Twice” – Zoe Kravitz’s “masterpiece,” the daughter of Lenny Kravitz. Given the hype on social media, I expected at least a somewhat decent film. And because I wanted to enjoy the movie to the fullest, I decided not to research it beforehand. What’s the point of watching a film if you already know how it ends because you peeked where you shouldn’t have? You only watch that miserable trailer and hope your expectations won’t be dashed.
It wasn’t exactly the case with the mess—loosely called a film—in question. Despite some big names, whose performances didn’t live up to their reputation, the film offers nothing. Absolutely nothing… The plot is incredibly thin, worthy of a C-grade movie (and let’s not even consider D or E), and the conflict’s development limps along. Essentially, in the first fifty-five minutes, not much happens. There are a few elements suggesting something dangerous might occur—because it’s categorized as a “psychological thriller,” something dangerous has to happen—but when it does, you feel like you’ve been duped. This is why I came to the theater?! I really couldn’t find something better to do?
A waitress named Frida—played by Naomi Ackie, who is extremely unconvincing—is drawn to an eccentric billionaire—Channing Tatum, who is even worse than usual. She and her friend arrive on the billionaire’s island, where they have fun until… I won’t spoil more, just that the fun turns out to be quite problematic for the girls. Frida discovers that only she remembers the friend she came with and that there’s something wrong with the perfume she received from Slater King (a name that’s probably meant to evoke Stephen King). There’s some viper venom that plays a role as an antidote and…
The plot is predictable. Initially, I thought it was going to be a slasher, but it turned out to be even more pathetic. From every angle. Haley Joel Osment is a shadow (a rather bulky one) of the child star we were impressed by in “A.I. Artificial Intelligence” and “The Sixth Sense.” Geena Davis didn’t just settle for ruining “Cutthroat Island,” so she took a role here, playing it on the principle of “trust me, it can get worse.” Kyle MacLachlan — the Agent Dale Cooper we knew from childhood — is embarrassingly bad.
Things get violent and fiery. Channing Tatum is utterly ridiculous and downright annoying when he spends a minute yelling “I Am Sorry.” The ending tries to be surprising and moralistic, but it’s even more pathetic than the rest of the movie.
Blink Twice?! Blink as many times as you want; you won’t miss much. If you skip the theater, you’ll actually come out ahead. And no, the fact that it’s directed by Zoe Kravitz doesn’t make this mess a masterpiece.
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